I'm off to Dublin!

For some time now I've been preparing for a massive shift in my life. Let me tell you a little about it...

iPriest

Back in 2011, as I was nearing the end of my time in Glenavy, I received a message from a friend asking that I get in touch with the Bishop, as he wanted to meet up with me. Having crossed paths with the Bishop through diocesan youth work programmes, I assumed that he just wanted to have a final meeting, to say thanks and wish me all the best for whatever came next. Very non-threatening and actually quite a nice thought. So I set up the meeting, and a few weeks later, in the middle of the summer 2011, made my way to Church House to meet the Bishop. As soon as I walked in, without much preamble, the Bishop hit me with the suggestion (which felt more like a command); 'I want you to go down to Dublin and train for ordination'! I protested...he understood. I said I couldn't...he said I should. I knew that before I'd even get to Dublin, I'd have to do a foundation course (via distance learning), so I reckoned lots could happen and that saying yes now was just a theoretical thing. I could always chicken out later down the line!

So a long story short; I did the foundation course, which was a year and a half of distance learning. In between I changed jobs, due to not having enough time to do my studies. That in itself was perhaps a sign I was taking this a lot more seriously than I had planned for. Then in March 2013, I was sent forward to Selection Conference (a series of interviews over the course of two days by various clergy and lay people aimed at assessing candidates suitability for ordination training). I found out a few weeks later (the Bishop phoned me on my birthday) that I had been accepted. Now things were getting real! I'd always counted on not being accepted at Selection Conference as my 'get out of jail free' card!

The truth is, I've never felt comfortable with the idea of being a minister. From a young age my Granny had me brainwashed...sorry, convinced, that I'd be a minister (Presbyterian of course-oh how far I've fallen!). I've grown up with that and I've spent eight years now working for the church, working alongside clergy, seeing some of their struggles. The truth is, it doesn't seem like a nice job at times. All those funerals, vestry meetings, people demanding your time, and getting annoyed when you physically and mentally can only give so much. I've always taken comfort in the fact that as a youth worker I'm just doing a job! But ministers...it's a vocation...a calling! And it's not one you'd do for the money, or for the time it gives you with your friends and family, or because it's easy. It's not! 

I've also had concerns with not wanting to be a minister, because it does involve an incredible amount of power. And I'm always naturally wary of power and those who wield it. It's not because power is necessarily a bad thing, but I just don't know if I trust myself with that level of power. Being a youth worker, you're often pretty low down the power structures of the church. Of course, you have immense responsibility with the young people, but mercifully parents, teachers and other members of the church also play a role in their development, so even if you mess it up as a youth worker, there are plenty of safety nets around them. However, what convinced me that this was the course of action I wanted to pursue was something my Bishop said to me about who holds the decision making power in the church. I think I'm a fairly intelligent person, and every once in a while I have a good idea. And sometimes, being a youth worker means that these ideas never get beyond the ideas stage. Fundamentally, I believe I have something to offer the church, and this journey I'm on toward ordination seems like the best way I can give it at this stage in my life.

It has been a long journey! I deferred for a year, mainly because I loved the church I was working in. And it absolutely tears at my heart to be leaving. And it's a strange feeling; to be leaving a place and feeling such gut wrenching sadness at that, but to feel the absolute rightness of that decision. It is indeed time!

This September, I'll be packing my bags and heading off to Dublin. To live and study among a community of others on a similar journey. I really don't know what the next season holds for me. The course I am on will last three years, I know that for sure. Dublin life will have many amazing things to offer. Living again in community will be intriguing, and exciting. I'll get to wear cool robes! Faith is an interesting thing; here I am, with all my flaws and weaknesses embarking on this journey. I don't feel ready in many ways...and yet in all the ways that count, I am ready!

I really do appreciate your prayers, best wishes, good thoughts. I'm going to try and update regularly, but if you look at the time stamps of even my last few posts, you'll know this blog and regular posts have not gone hand in hand! I do appreciate the encouragement though, and do keep encouraging me! There'll be many tough times ahead (late nights trying to finish off assignments loom ahead of me), and I'll need the constant encouragement. If you live nearby me, why not take me out for a coffee and ask me how it's going every now and again. And if you don't, send me a wee message. It all counts, and I do appreciate the best wishes of my friends (religious or not). This will be perhaps one of the biggest things I'll do with my life. And it's scary, but it is exciting, and it is right. 

Living Provocatively

I was challenged recently by a friend regarding the nature of my sometimes provocative statements. Specifically we were speaking about a recent blog titled 'Church and the Beast within'. The provocation in this blog lay in the link between Church and the spirit of anti-Christ, enshrined in the idea of the Beast of Revelation. As I was challenged, and I reflected back on what I was trying to say, a few thoughts came to mind.

Firstly I have to recognise that sometimes I do go out of my way to be provocative (no shock there)! Often my aim is to provoke people by some outrageous statement, which hopefully leads them into an exploration of why they were shocked, and to consider the points being made in the whole article. However, I realise that sometimes it's not the content that matters, but the headline! What do my headlines say to people? Are they provoked to exploration of the subject, or do they just get peeved off with the headline. I think if we are fair, we are probably all guilty of skimming the headline and not fully engaging with the text, so I feel there is a lesson in here for me.

Secondly, I have to ask myself is deliberate provocation a healthy thing. My modus operandi in posting provocative statements is to challenge people's perceptions. I think we have to acknowledge that each one of us has an unconscious bias toward certain things in our lives. As someone who is passionately exploring faith, I'm interested in what unconscious bias we may have when it comes to Jesus, faith and religion. I hope it's clear I don't have all the answers, and don't pretend to have my theology all neatly sorted. But I do have questions! And I do have an earnest and genuine desire to listen to and engage with others as we jointly explore what it means to be Christ followers in our context. I also like to challenge and be challenged!

So I'm left with the question of just how much is too much?! Does a provocative statement draw people deeper into the conversation, or does it turn them off? How much do I gain in being deliberately provocative, and just what do I lose? I recognise that for some, my deliberate provocativeness can be a barrier to what I'm saying. So in one sense I'm left contemplating how I absorb this and let it filter through my thoughts. On the other hand, there's a sense that I don't want to conform just to make people comfortable. Human history is littered with such stories, and by and large, it's not the conformists who make most impact on human history, but those who stood their ground and fought for what they truly believed in, even going out of their way to be non-conformist! Perhaps somewhere here there is a balance to be found? Lord help me to see it.

Some lives are worth more than others...

"Why is a Kundunese life worth less to me than an American life?"- Pres. Bartlett

"I don't know, Sir, but it is."- Will Bailey

[The West Wing, season 4 episode 13]

This quote, taken from one of the greatest television shows of our time, sums up in only the way someone like Aaron Sorkin could, just what is wrong with our society. Tonight, as I watched the news feeds, Facebook and Twitter, it was hard to escape that a terrible tragedy had taken place. What should have been a day of fun and celebration has tragically ended with death and injury.

My heart goes out to the people of Boston, it truly does. And some measure of faith in humanity was restored as I witnessed people running toward danger in an effort to help. However, something else dawned on me this evening-something as terrible as the scenes witnessed in Boston. And simply it's this; as a culture, we have become so self-absorbed that we often fail to see beyond our own needs, our own desires and our own tragedies. As news feeds were relaying minute by minute accounts of the scenes in Boston, very few were talking about horrors elsewhere. In Iraq today, another bomb killed dozens and injured hundreds. Not that I want to compare the scale of tragedies, but why was it that we were getting blow by blow accounts of events in Boston, but very little was said about Iraq? Why does it seem that our western tragedies eclipse the tragedy elsewhere? Why is an "American" (western) life worth more than an Iraqi life? Or Afghan? Or African?

What does it say about us as a society that we are outraged/shocked/upset when one of our own die, but hundreds could die elsewhere, and by sheer virtue of geography, we give little thought to it? The events in Boston today will have scarred a community and left families devastated at the loss and maiming of loved ones. My prayers are with them. But they won't be the only ones whose world will have been torn apart today. And they won't be the last! Tragedy surrounds us in this world. We must be careful we don't become complacent or ignorant to it, just because it often isn't on our doorsteps!

The Church between the Cross and the Empty Grave

It was a crisp Friday afternoon in November. The people of Dallas had turned out to see their leader, a popular hero to many. Flags were waving, people were smiling and there was a buzz in the air. At 12:29 pm, the leader’s limousine entered Dealey Plaza. Dozens of people were taking pictures or filming the entire procession. Turning down Houston Street, the entire procession passed in front of the book depository, and that’s when the shots rang out. There was confusion, the leader’s bodyguards rushed into action, and the limo sped off to the nearest hospital. By 1pm the leader was dead.

JFK=Legend!

Of course, we know the leader being referred to here was JFK. Many who were alive at the time will be able to tell where they were when they heard the news. Not only was JFK an inspiring politician, but he was a pop icon to many-perhaps one of the first politicians to transcend the sphere of politics into the public consciousness. Of course he had his flaws, but after his assassination JFK ascended even further in the minds of the public. He was a man who dreamed big (he once famously remarked that the USA would put a man on the moon by end of decade), and inspired a generation.

Many loved him, and even his rivals had to acknowledge his popularity to the masses. Imagine for a moment that on the Sunday 24^th November, news was broadcast saying that instead of lying in state, the body of JFK had gone missing. Imagine if you will, that over the next few weeks, sightings of JFK were reported by dozens of people, his family and closest advisors included. And imagine that only a few weeks later, this much loved politician was sighted, ascending into heaven. Of course, none of this happened, but what might these events have done to the popularity and legacy of JFK?

What Easter seems to be about these days!

Many will know the story of that first Easter. We know that Jesus was betrayed and arrested. That a sham trial was arranged by the Sanhedrin, who were out to get this political and religious firebrand named Jesus. We know that neither King Herod, nor Pilate the Governor could find reason to execute him. And yet we know that on the Friday of Easter, the religious leaders had their way and forced the execution of the innocent man Jesus. This story forms the bedrock of the Christian faith. However, for the Christian the story does not end at the assassination of Jesus. For unlike JFK, Jesus was more than a loved leader, he was God incarnate. And he wasn't just here on Earth to die for us; his mission was to defeat death and hell, and in resurrection, Jesus showed that the power of death had been overcome. On Easter Sunday, the church gathers to celebrate the Empty Grave, a symbol that Death, which was the wages of sin, had been overcome. To celebrate the fact that we follow a risen Lord.

And on that one day, I believe we remember something very important that we sometimes forget the rest of the year. That in the resurrection, Jesus work was complete. We remember that the story of the Cross is not complete until we see the Empty Grave

I think one of the things we sometimes miss in the modern church is the ability to get into the scenarios presented in the Bible and understand them from the very real, visceral perspective of the day! Let's use our imaginary TARDIS to go back to the day after the crucifixion. It was a Sabbath day, so after all the events in Jerusalem the day before, many in the city would have been winding down, spending the day in quiet reflection. We can only wonder how the onlookers might have felt about the crucifixion. Some may have felt anger, or guilt, or shame. Some may not even have cared-they may have seen Jesus as an entertaining teacher, who had some good ideas, but now he was dead and nothing could be done about it-much in the same way we would treat the death of a modern celebrity; from a distance, with a vague and curious interest. But what about the Disciples? Those men and women who had spent the last few years of their life with their Master. Many of them had left their former lives as fishermen, tax collectors and rebels to follow this charismatic Teacher. He had promised them much about the Kingdom to come, and how God would break through the barriers and live with man. And now, he was dead. 

Imagine the despair, the heartache, and even the guilt the Disciples must have felt. Imagine the soul searching, the feelings of worthlessness and constant questioning of all they had heard in the years following Jesus. I imagine at that precise moment any passion or enthusiasm for Jesus teachings might have left them, and they maybe felt more than a little let down by Jesus.

The Church between the Cross and the Empty Grave?

For the Disciples, that day between the crucifixion and the resurrection must have been one of the darkest days in their life. Everything they had believed upon becoming followers of Jesus must have seemed so false. The excitement they must have felt when Jesus told stories of the coming Kingdom must have seemed so pointless now. They probably had no will or desire to live out their lives as Disciples. For some, they may have been only days or hours away from giving up and going home to their old lives.  And I feel that in many ways, the Church exists in this same place. When we hear that Jesus died for us, and make that choice to follow him, it’s a pretty exciting place for us. We think of all the possibilities open to us, and our hearts swell with anticipation of the things God will do with us and for us and through us. And then we realise that life is difficult, that often the Devil will throw everything he can against us. Instead of thinking of all the things we could do, we give all the reasons for why it cannot be done. We lose heart...we lose focus...we lose the belief that God wants to use us and do great things. In short we lose sight of the Empty Grave!

No one is here...

The Empty Grave tells us that death is overcome. It shows us that impossible has now become possible with God. It shows us that instead of following a dead religion, we follow a risen Lord. When we lose sight of all that, church becomes a thing we do, not a thing we are. When we exist between the Cross and the Empty Grave, we have no passion or enthusiasm for the promises made to us. The 'Church between the Cross and the Empty Grave' is perhaps one of the most dangerous things to happen to the people of God. In such a place, we acknowledge the death of Jesus, but we lose sight of why it was for. Many people make reference to being saved, and it’s a term that makes me cringe. Yes, the actions of Christ on the Cross save us. But Jesus came to this earth and lived as one of us for more than a bus ticket to heaven. John 10 says that Jesus came to give us abundant life. Only through the lens of the Resurrection can we begin to glimpse what this life looks like. It is a life of service (one of the first things Jesus did after resurrection was cook a meal for his disciples); it is a life of passion and belief that God can do the impossible through us. Jesus didn't come to save us from hell, but to restore us to life, as God originally intended it!

In the Bible, God's people are constantly being reminded that they, through the works of God, can achieve great things. Perhaps one of my favorite examples of this in the Gospels is in Matthew 16. Jesus asks his Disciple's who people think he is. They throw a few stock answers at Him, no doubt intended to flatter and impress Jesus. He probes them further and really puts them on the spot, asking them to commit their own opinions. Peter, in a flash of inspiration that surely came from heaven declares that Jesus is the promised Messiah. Interesting moment, no doubt. But it is Jesus' response to Peter which is the most astounding; 

"Jesus came back, "God bless you, Simon, son of Jonah! You didn't get that answer out of books or from teachers. My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out." (Matt 16:17-18 The Message)

What He is saying is so revolutionary in it's implications and yet I think we have forgotten it, or at least don't want to believe it because it almost seems to good to be true. We are to be a Church so full of energy that even Hell itself won't be able to stand against us. Where is this Church, I hear you ask? I sometimes think this Church has lost itself somewhere between the Cross and the Empty Grave!

I think then there is a challenge here for us! Do we want to exist in that place where we acknowledge the Death of Jesus for us, but do not see the hope of the Resurrection and all that means and demands of us? How do we become a community that lives Church, and not just goes through the motions of a 90 minute event once a week? How do we become a people that believe God does the impossible, and he wants to use us to do it? And how do we live life to the full, sure in the knowledge that Jesus didn't just come to save us from hell, but came to give us life, and that he wants to give it to others too?! There is a whole world out there waiting to see this Church. May God give us the grace and strength to build it!

How good is your eyesight?

"Without Vision the People Perish"

The first time I read this simple statement (from Proverbs 29), it really stood out to me as such an important statement for the Church today. The Message translation says it even better;

"If people can’t see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed."

It leads me to ask just what we see God is doing around us. I think if I'm honest, I sometimes struggle to see just exactly what God is doing around me. Lets be honest, in life we get so busy, so caught up in drama, routine, work etc, that sometimes we lose focus on the important stuff. We've all been there. Furthermore, like many in my generation, I have a really awful cynical streak that runs right through my core. The 20s and 30s age group are so hard to impress. We are so hard to get motivated and excited. We've seen and heard it all before. Bright lights and loud noises won't fool us. You won't pull the wool over our eyes with your parlour tricks and emotive theatre. And in some way, I find myself really sad that I have this cynicism, for the long and short of it is that I often find myself doubting that God can really deliver. Sure, in the small ways he is there. I sometimes feel Him speaking to me through prayer and the bible. There are times when I even see Him moving in what we do in church (both discipleship and outreach). But I was reminded recently of how over the years I have lost some of my belief that God can move in BIG ways. I mean in the casting out demons, healing the sick, prophesying kinda ways. I mean the ways in which when you see Him move, goosebumps raise on your flesh. The ways in which your knees knock together because the power and presence of God is so palpable. I've allowed myself to become blind to what He is doing. And the result? Often I find myself stumbling about, barely achieving much!

God wants me to have perfect vision. He wants you to have perfect vision too. If you have, praise God! If you haven't, 'attend to what he reveals'! I've often heard people ask what our vision is. I've sat in many 'strategic' meetings where church leadership have asked this question. Repeatedly I find myself coming back to what Jesus said when questioned about the most important commandment (Matthew 22). When asked to sum up just what is important he made two simple statements; love God and love others. I have a real tendency to over complicate things in life! But here, even I cannot escape the simplicity of what Jesus is saying. He goes further...

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[e] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[f] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

See what he is saying?! Everything, the entire law and demands of the prophets, hang on these two simple commands. All your religion, all your planning, all your passion, all your vision. EVERYTHING! In all that we do, we must be able to measure up to those simple commands. Does your worship show love to God? In your financial plans (both individually and corporately), do you recognise and respect others? In your service to church (volunteering at youth club, sitting on a committee, serving the tea and coffee) are you loving God and loving others? I think that if we are honest, sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes we get so caught up in routine, or doing things just to be noticed, or because we feel obligated to, that we sometimes forget our simple task is to love God and love others. Of course, how this manifests itself in your context could be radically different from how it manifests in mine. However the challenge is as simple as it is vast. Our vision, if it is to align with God's, is simply to love. In a world where love is in such short supply, it is so important that Church recognises this!

So maybe the question shouldn't be 'how good is your eyesight'? Maybe the question has to be 'how good are you at simply loving God and people'? Please Lord, give us the strength and the capacity to love and in doing so may we see the people and communities around us changed by simple, radical, courageous acts of love.

Church and the Beast within

The Beast is not a Legend

Could the modern day Church be the Beast itself?
-A friend

I'll warn you at outset that there is a ranty kinda flavour to this blog. As always, I invite people to offer their input, and I know I don't speak from any real place of authority. I'm just a guy with some questions and very few answers.

Over the last few months, there has been a growing frustration within me at the state of the Church. When I look at the Church (and I appreciate there is some generalization here) I see an organisation that has failed to grasp the core concepts of it's founder. We might ask what the fundamentals might be (and again I appreciate there may be some diversity of opinion here). However, at it's core I think we can make a few simple statements about what the Church should be, what it should be saying, and where it should be going.

I am sure we can agree on a number of common denominators. First and foremost in my mind are the words of Jesus in Matthew 22. When asked what the greatest commandment was, he responded that to love God is the first and greatest, but the second was also to love others. All the law and prophets (namely all our religion/faith) hang on these two points (I did paraphrase the passage, but feel free to look it up for yourself). I use Jesus’ parable about the Good Samaritan to also back up this point. When asked who our neighbour was, Jesus told this story, which I am sure we are all familiar with and doesn’t need repeating (but you can find it in Luke 10). What am I saying then; basically in order to reflect Christ, we must love the Father, and also love other people. I also use John 15:13 to take this further-that loving other people is about laying down one’s life for others. I think we can add grace and compassion into the mix, as well as the understanding (taken from James 2) that whilst good works won’t save us, our faith will naturally work itself out in ways where we show kindness and love in what we do to those around us. We may even want to label this as evangelism; however this makes me uncomfortable, as it implies we may only do good works in order to get people to join us. I would rather prefer a way that is entirely unconditional, and requires no response from people if they chose not to.

All seems pretty simple (and feel free to add suggestions if you feel there are glaring omissions). What then is so difficult about all this? Why does it seem so difficult to love God and other people. Where, I ask, was the love for other people over the whole Chick-Fil-A debacle. Even closer to home, in what way do we show love as a Church to those who are homosexual? Setting aside for a moment the discussion about the rights and wrongs around homosexuality, the one thought that pounds through my mind is that we are all sinful? What do we get out of judging and condemning others, and how does that ever show them God's love. If all God's people are good at is condemnation and hurt, then it does not present a great picture of God.

Another issue that needs addressing is the addiction to materialism that seems to permeate the West. I am as guilty of this as anyone else, and this is said as much to me as anyone else! For many people, their theology dictates that in the end times, the Beast shall rise and control the Earth. The Beast will be a personification of evil (anti-Christ?) and will persecute all us 'good guys'. It is said that economics will become difficult for those who refuse to take on the Number of the Beast. And yet I am left wondering if the Beast will be some external force waiting for us in the mists of time? I wonder if by our actions we are not acting like (or at least enabling) that Spirit of Anti-Christ? Why do we find it so easy to buy endless amounts of shit that provide no lasting happiness. How can we so easily throw away things, without thought of where it goes? Why do we allow ourselves to get fat and lazy on the efforts of others far removed from us, when there are people in the world literally struggling for their lives every day, from the moment they wake, until the moment they go to sleep. This was so forcefully rammed home to me the other day when I was watching Gordon Ramsey's 'Hell's Kitchen USA'. One of the challenges the chefs had to perform was an eating contest and they were pitted against Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut, who was a competitive eater. Doing some minor research into this, because I was incredulous (especially at how quick and how much he could eat, and he wasn't even fat!), it turns out there is 'Major League Eating'. They have managed to make a sport out of eating hot dogs and chicken wings, and people get paid to do this stuff. I nearly cried! Now I have had my own problems with eating (namely that I like to eat, and boy does it stay on) but it broke my heart that in one part of the world we make entertainment out of people who can eat lots quickly, and yet in other parts of the world people are literally starving to death! Where is the Church in all this? What are we saying or doing to stand against the evil and darkness of the world...sometimes it seems like nothing!

We are so addicted to mind (and body) numbing tripe, that we have become desensitized to the needs and injustices in the world around us. In many ways, the Church IS Anti-Christ. We have set ourselves opposed to those foundational (and simple) teachings of Christ, that we are literally the opposite of Jesus. Jesus said 'Love God', and we are so in love with ourselves we see little of God around us. He extolled us to 'Love Others', and yet we get so caught up in excess that we forget that someone somewhere has to pay the price. We get so caught up in telling people what they are doing wrong, that we don't realise WE are the ones who are getting it wrong by our lack of love towards others. We have taken to setting up celebrities as our idols, just like the Israelites when Moses was receiving the Ten Commandments. Even in the Church we have created the cult of Christian celebrity, following this speaker or that band as if every word or song was the sum totality of what it meant to follow Christ. And in all is this is the quiet voice of Christ enjoining us to 'follow'. I wonder if we will ever get over the sense of our own importance that we might hear him? I wonder if we could ever forget about condemning others, that we might realise we are all broken and need to draw near?!

At the beginning, I quoted a friend of mine. He is nobody important, and yet he is special and important to God and totally valued by me, perhaps the best kind of person to quote! But he said something to me that was very profound, and I think he is right. Until we actually get back to being Followers of Christ, I think that in the world, the Church will act as the Beast! I think that until we can get over our addiction to things (and to idols), then the Church will be diametrically opposed to Christ. Unless we learn to 'live simply so that others might simply live', then we will be like a plague on the Earth. It would be easy for us to say that it's not our fault, that we didn't start capitalism, or the Major League Eating competition. It would be easy to say that we can change little. However, in the words of Edmund Burke;

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing

We cannot, must not, excuse ourselves from the tragedies of this world by saying it's nothing to do with us. If we are to be like Christ, then we must act like Christ, in all that we do. It is a challenge, but it is what the Church is called to. If we do not, then we are allowing the Kingdom of Darkness to reign free and unchallenged. We are like the people who crossed to the other side of the road, and not like the 'Good Samaritan' Christ calls us to be. In short, we are the Beast! Our challenge then is to find those places in which we can radically, humbly and powerfully live out the teachings of Christ, loving God and doing something the Church has not been entirely good at over her long life-Loving Others!

The Disgusting Practice of Nepotism...in the Church!

nepotism [ˈnɛpəˌtɪzəm]
n
favouritism shown to relatives or close friends by those with power or influence

I recently started work for the South Eastern Education Board, and about a month in, I am finding it to be a great challenge. So different from Church youth work, and I can really feel myself being stretched and new skill sets being acquired on an almost daily basis (mostly paperwork I might add!). Before all this though, I had found myself to be in a very interesting, often difficult place. I would be bold to even say, I might have been wandering in the desert for a while!

In December 2010, a decision was taken which meant that upon completing my contract in Glenavy, I would be moving on. I have to add at this point, that this was absolutely the correct decision, and one I am glad for. I immensely enjoyed my time at Glenavy (5 years, 4 months), and really built up some firm friendships and learnt a lot about myself, who I am and what I want to be when I grow up! I am thankful that I still have links with that church, and actually enjoy just being a 'parishioner', not the youth WORKER! However, in December, this decision meant that I needed to get into gear and find myself a new job; a daunting enough prospect given the current economics of our land!

So, over Christmas I dutifully searched the usual places, and found quite a few I could apply for. The one thing that hit me initially was the thought that this time round I was actually pretty well placed-after all I had nearly 6 years full time youth work experience behind me, as well as several new qualifications in the youth work field. I got a few responses in those early months, and each one were happy to invite me for interview. I was pleased with this, as I knew that interview stage was half the battle, and being reasonably confident in myself and my abilities, I knew I would give a good accounting of myself!

First interview in, and it went well. I got asked back for another interview, and whilst I was not successful (no-one was on this occasion) my confidence had been boosted; this was, after all, only the first job I had applied for!

Second interview didn't go so well, but I had applied for this job not really looking to get it, but wanting the experience of more interviews. No need to say it, but I was not successful, but also not too bothered.

Third interview in, and this was a good job. This was perhaps the first interview I went into really interested in getting the job and thinking I could do lots here. I did an excellent interview in my opinion, as well as a near perfect presentation. I left feeling confident, but knowing that as with any job, you didn't know who else you were up against. However I felt I could not have done any better and surely I must have given the panel something to think about...I waited with anticipation for the letter to come back to me. When it did, it thanked me for my time, but that they would not be taking things any further with me. I was disappointed at this stage (which was about four months into the process of me looking for jobs), but I had faith that God would lead me to where I needed to go. I subsequently heard that this post wasn't filled at all, due to funding issues, but by the time I had heard this, it was too late.

I took a break for easter, and then got into full swing. I applied for several jobs at once. Whilst I had been disappointed with the outcome of my last interview, I knew I just had to keep plugging away. And then, perhaps the hardest couple months of my life started! Application after application was returned. They all said the same thing (as if churches had a stock letter for this situation); 'Thanks for your interest in this post. Unfortunately you have not been selected for interview. We wish you God's best in your future endeavors'! By the third letter I was getting frustrated. By no means am I an arrogant fella. However with my experience and qualifications I felt I should have at least been given an interview for most jobs I applied for. In fact, each one which refused me an interview, it would be fair to say I was overqualified for. This meant either there were people applying who were outrageously more qualified than me, or something more sinister!

Church youth work is a relatively small world. You get to hear things down the grapevine, and over time I heard things that really began to upset me. As I was plugging away looking for jobs, and continuing my post in Glenavy, the clock counting down to my departure date, I began to have inklings, suspicions and information passed my way. In essence, they all said the same thing; these jobs already had someone in mind. At first, I couldn't believe it. I mean, this seems too sneaky, doesn't it. It's something a business might do; write up a job for a specific person who you already have in mind (perhaps they already work in the company). No way a church would do this! If they advertise a post, surely they are going to do it fairly, and seek to get the best person for the post, not a favored candidate (who admittedly might be the best person also)! But my experience did not add up here. I was a reasonably well qualified youth worker (over qualified if going by the criteria many of these jobs had set), with 6 years experience of youth work, and a degree in theology. And yet I wasn't even getting an interview?

It was this period I found hardest. Not even getting interviews took it's toll on me. I started to get down, and was frustrated. At one point, my girlfriend tried to console me and suggested that knowing God, He would give me a job the day before I was due to finish my current post. At the time, it didn't take away the obvious sense of frustration I was feeling. I began to get angry at the church too. I felt that if there was one place on earth a person should get a fair deal, then surely it was the church. However, in my experience, the opposite was true-some churches were advertising jobs, getting people's hopes up, when in reality they already had someone in mind. There were just going through the motions to satisfy legal concerns. After about the third knockback (which got me really angry and actually resulted in me writing a letter to the church), I 'threw the head up' and decided to go outside the church. I applied for a job with the education board, got an interview, and within a week was offered a job. This only served to underline just how awful the church process was. It took me months looking for a job in the church, with many knockbacks, but go 'out there', and I was offered one immediately. It would be hilarious if it did not underline the seriousness of the issue!

Luckily for me, I did get a job...and it was offered to me the day before my contract with Glenavy expired (my girlfriend was right, as she always is!). However, I constantly hear about churches who offer jobs to family members of important members of the church, or people who have been serving in some role within the church for some time. Now, there is most definitely an argument to be made here that if people have been performing some of the roles of youth worker, and have built up a relationship with the young people in the church, then maybe they should get the job, for continuities sake. And whilst I would put some merit in this, is it enough to employ someone based on just the fact they are a member of your church, or have established a relationship. What about the dozens of other applicants who have worked for years in other areas, who are qualified and who can perhaps bring new ideas and new initiatives to the mix?! It only really takes about six months for any new youth worker to find their feet, so bringing in a new person does not mean the end of the world from a youth work context.

Church needs to be careful what message it sends to the outside world. Employing the daughter of this committee member, or the husband of someone influential in the church says that it's about 'who you know' in the church world, not how good you are for the post, whether this person is qualified or not. When it's seen as a common practice, that's when it is truly dangerous. In my experience, I have seen numerous job descriptions that seem to have been written up with a specific person in mind; obviously so they, over everyone else, can meet all the criteria, and legally be 'the best person' for the job. I think this practice means that churches miss out on some truly great youth workers. It means that young people may miss out on new opportunities as they are left with someone they know who may just continue on with the old way of doing things. And it means that honest to goodness brilliant youth workers are left unemployed because they aren't lucky enough to be 'known' by the church looking to employ.

As I look back at that time, it was difficult. I did find myself becoming very angry and frustrated with church. After being employed by a statutory agency, it saddened me that I didn't get as fair a deal in 'mother church', that I had to go outside the church to be valued based on my experience and skills, and not just on who I was (or who I was related to). It would be easy to look at this blog and call it a rant, but I can honestly say it isn't. I truly see the hand of God on the last few months as he guided me into the post I am in now (which I am over the moon to be in, despite, or maybe because of, it's challenges). Indeed, there have been other opportunities that have come about that would probably have never came to my door if I were still in church youth work. However, whilst I am happy on a personal level, I still find myself getting angry at the perception the church gives out to the world. Indeed, it isn't just restricted to offers of employment. Countless times I have heard the same story from people of how they were left out in the cold because they weren't part of the 'in gang'. How sad that church, the one place where all should be accepted and where all should get a fair deal, is the one place where many feel the opposite. As hard as it was for me when it came to NOT getting a job, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be for those who are just looking to be accepted, to be involved, but who find the door closed because they aren't 'one of us'.

The challenge to the church is very clear, and not just in matters of employment. We must resist the easy temptation of choosing those we know or like, and be willing to meet new people, involving ourselves in their lives, take risks with the unknown, and not let our decision making (on all levels) be about who you know. There are gifted, talented individuals out there (in your church maybe), who could bring a whole new dimension to the work of your church...if you gave them a chance. Let church be the one place on earth where everyone get's a fair deal, and where you are cherished not on who you know, but who you are and the sum-total of who you could be with the gifts God has given.

Revelation: Literally Real, or Really Literal

Ok folks, it's new post time. I know you can hardly contain your excitement since the last, back before Christmas, but I am sure I can whet your appetites for the next couple of months...or maybe not!

Anyway, Christmas has been and gone. Grumpy times over. I am on my second haircut of the year (only another 2 or 3 to go), and life moves on into the monotony of routine.

So I got to thinking the other day about Revelation (that book at the end of the Bible). It's such a confusing and often misused book (there I said it!). It is confusing in the sense that it talks about Dragons and Beasts and horses and numbers. In some ways it seems like it is part of a trashy fantasy series written in the 50s. It is misused in that when people 'use' things they don't understand, mistakes/errors can be made and horrible things can be justified by such misuse! And to be honest, I think for a long time now the function and purpose has been misunderstood, and sometimes abused!

As some of you may know, my degree at university was in Theology. Interesting enough if you're into that sorta thing. I remember that one of my modules was on Revelation. It seemed like a good idea at the time of choosing modules, but when it finally came to my first class, I was filled with a not inconsiderable sense of trepidation. How on earth was I going to sit in an exam and write about REVELATION. I barely understood it, and found it really confusing (and weird). This sense was not helped by the lecturer, who right at the start of the first class suggested that we would end this module with even LESS of an idea about Revelation than when we started. He went on to say that studying Revelation was all well and good, but do not expect to receive enlightenment as the nature of the book can sometimes inhibit that! Needless to say, I was not filled with much confidence by this point. However, I worked through the material, did the coursework, sat the exam, and I passed.

Passing an exam on Revelation still left me with little clue as to the nature of the book. I left well alone for a few years, but it always seems to draw me back. Just what is this book all about? Is it a literal account of the end of time, where God will triumph over his enemies, and Jesus and the Heavenly Host will squash all opposition to God's will and rule? Or is it something else?

You see, on a theological level, I really struggle with the concept of a God who is all war and blood. Jesus suggested that we see the Father through the Son, and whilst Jesus did display anger on occasion, it always seemed to be aimed at the injustice perpetrated by society. He didn't seem to be very much in the game of 'winning' against his enemies. Indeed, he suggested that LOVING one's enemy was the proper course of action, and that losing was ACTUALLY winning. In some ways, comparing the Revelation story with the accounts of Jesus' ministry almost make one think that God is perhaps a bit bipolar!

But of course he isn't! Maybe this gaping chasm in personality can be attributed to how we read Revelation. For the record, I don't think Revelation is a literal account of the end of days, and shouldn't be read as such. It may well come to pass that there will be a human (or group of humans) who so personify evil as to be called Anti-Christ. It may well happen that disease and death and war and famine will hold sway over the earth (and this is not too hard to believe looking at the world around us). Will they ride horses...I personally think not! I believe that the book of Revelation is a metaphor for the world. It is trying to hold a mirror up for us to peer into and see just how WE have a role to play in this story of Creation.

You see, I very much believe that God called mankind into relationship with him at the beginning of it all (Adam, Eve, Garden of Eden etc). That relationship was strained, and throughout history, God has been working to restore and redeem that, the fulfilment of which was Jesus. Of course one of the significant things about Jesus was his death. However, let us not forget his LIFE. I believe that Jesus came to earth, not just to die but to show US how to truly LIVE. That by our actions, we could bring Heaven or Hell to earth and that building the Kingdom was a PROCESS, not a one of event with a floating city coming down out of the clouds.

You see, Jesus was all about justice. In fact, throughout the whole Bible we see God calling for justice and equality; for slaves, women, foreigners. In many ways, Revelation should be a call to action! It is more about what effect WE have on the world, than some beast rising out of the water. Can we honestly say that ALL war, death, destruction, famine, natural calamity, disease etc is the result of external forces riding about on horses? Is it possible that the personification of Four Riders is actually human activity in the world? That it is us, and our abuse of the world and all in it, that cause War, Disease, Famine and Death? Revelation is a call to the underground church, those who are oppressed and downtrodden, who seek justice and love for all. It is less about triumph over enemies and the destruction of the world and more about the restoration of the world, and the hope that God gives...even to those who may be his enemies!

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in a literal Satan (maybe I will write some thoughts on this sometime). I do believe that the world is building up to something-I mean look at how much the world has changed, even in the last decade, and we can see that. I do believe in anti-Christ, although I think that anti-Christ is not always a person, but can be an idea, or a system (basically anything that is against Christ). I do believe that God will work things out and there will be redemption, but I don't think we should be looking to that END, but rather should be looking to what we can do NOW. If anything, Revelation isn't an account of the end, but a wake up call for us here, now. What is YOUR role in creation? Will you be someone who builds Heaven through your actions, or someone who builds Hell? To me, THAT'S the message of Revelation.

It's been years since I studied Revelation at university, and I must confess to a certain degree of confusion, especially with some of the imagery portrayed there. It is uncomfortable and hard to understand. However, as the years have trundled by, I have become more certain that God is not an all-conquering warlord. He is a humble servant. And he invites us lovingly into this Great Task of building the Kingdom, of re-creating the world to the original design specifications. Revelation can be a call to war, or it can be an encouragement to keep going in the LOVE of God.

I guess it's really up to you!

'Merry Christmas your arse' and the hypocrisy of being a Christian

Yes, it is true...I am well known amongst my friends and family for being a cynical, miserly old git, especially in relation to Christmas. I wont deny this, and there are many good (and not so good) reasons for this. However, I have been feeling very challenged of late, due in no small part to the work I have been doing in the local High School. In the last few weeks, we have dealt with issues such as the plight of the refugee, genocide, natural disasters and conflict (of many kinds). In each area, one thing has held true-in every scenario, there are always people whose lives have been irrevocably changed by the events they have experienced. For many of these people, there is incredible loss and suffering on their part.

What has really troubled me is just how hard it is to really connect with these people in their suffering, not just on the part of the kids I teach, but also if I am truthful, for myself. Natural disasters like earthquakes and tsunamis don't happen in our wee corner of the world. Organised and mass genocide has not touched our shores. Even if we think of the Troubles, and the cost in both human and material terms, they pale in comparison to the troubles suffered in places like Rwanda in the mid 90s, and Sudan now (although that is not to belittle the suffering of the many thousands whose lives were directly affected by the Troubles). Needless to say, apart from the aforementioned Troubles, or wee country has got it pretty easy. It is such comfort that I feel numbs us to the plight of others!

At this time of year, thoughts inevitably turn to Christmas, buying presents, attending parties, eating food, enjoying the company of friends and family, crap television, and a whole host of other associated things. And yet as a Christian, I am deeply disturbed that for many of us, Jesus is no where near the top of our list (if he is even on it in the first place). I have come to ask the question 'what is the point of Christmas if Jesus isn't even in it?' Don't get me wrong, my understanding of God allows me to imagine the great delight he takes in when we encounter real and genuine community that happens especially at Christmas. This is a good thing and should be encouraged more often. However, in the same sense, I imagine his heart breaks when he sees us becoming so focused on trivial things.

The incarnation was such a dramatic and radical act within the span of human history. Here we have God himself, in the form of Jesus, coming to earth to exist as one of us, to live for us and show us how to live in turn, and then finally to die and resurrect for humanity. Such a profound and powerful act has been boiled down to what is essentially an orgy of selfishness.

As a Christian, I sometimes feel ashamed; not only at society at large, but also at myself. How can I have let myself, and those around me, focus on such selfish things. Is Christmas really about presents, or overeating food, or complaining about how bad television is? Is that what it has become? What happened to the radical and life changing act that was the original incarnation?

If you haven't already figured it out, you will by now notice my blog is often full of questions I don't always have answers too. By no stretch of the imagination am I trying to exist in an ivory tower passing judgement on others. I know I am just as complicit in the creation of a festival that is often as anti-christ as a coven of Satanists (or should that be Santa-ists?!). Am I suggesting we do away with Christmas, and have just a normal day (sounds nice!). Joking aside, of course I am not. However, what I am suggesting we do to do (Christian or not) is to set aside the self and consider the real reason of Christmas-that God would come to the world for mankind, to bring hope and redemption. There are an awful lot of people in this world who right now need a little hope and redemption. Perhaps we as a society and as individuals have an opportunity-strike that-a responsibility to ensure that such people find some hope. I hope that we can shake ourselves and hear the challenge to not become desensitised and numb to the plight of others whose Christmas will be more about surviving famine, or disease or death squads than it will be about buying presents, or complaining of what is on the TV.

Happy Remembrance of the Incarnation!

The arrogance of youth

I was getting out of my car one day, a week or so past, and I see this kid walking past me with his mobile phone out, and tunes blaring out of the damn thing. It was a funny moment, as his music was just pure AWFUL, but I didn't have the heart to say anything to the poor fella, who probably thought he was the 'dogs' as he walked past me listening to his totally radical music (or insert a more culturally relevant word than 'rad'-thinking about the 'Turtles' at the moment). Anyway, a very normal everyday occurance made some impact on me. You see, I have encountered this quite a lot-young people using their mobile phones as an open air disco, for all the world to 'enjoy', and to be honest, it strikes me as quite arrogant! I mean, what makes these kids think that I really want to listen to their music, which quite often has the musical quality of a hammer banging on a sheet of metal whilst someone runs a screwdriver down it! Don't get me wrong, I happen to think I have a pretty decent taste in music, and it is as varied as it is good! But kids these days?!!! Sheesh, most of them have an awful sense of what constitutes what makes 'good music'!

Anyway, I promise this is not a rant, and there is indeed some kernal of a point in this (apart from the 'grumpy old git'-esque rant on young people). As this kid walked past me listening to his music, I thought to myself, 'what the heck ever happened to earphones'?! I mean, I encounter this phenomenon quite regularly, where a young person will have the music playing over loudspeakers, and often think this. And on this occasion I came to the conclusion that it is because young people (and I do include myself in this) are essentially arrogant! Now, we could recriminate and justify and argue all we like, but I think that those of us under 35 can probably recognise a little bit of truth in this. Oh I am sure many of us continue to 'respect our elders', but we often consider that they are wrong on many issues, and we are right. I mean, as we shifted from modernity to post-modernity, many of us looked to our parents and especially our grandparents and sometimes consider their worldviews and experiences to be 'antiquated'! Come on, most people over the age of 50 struggle with common concepts such as i-pods, gaming on consoles; even tuning a VCR (which has itself become obsolete) is a struggle for some. Now I do stress that there are exceptions to the rule, but I draw on my experiences, especially with my parents, who seem to be almost pre-historic in their understanding of technology! So as we show respect to our elders, we often think that we probably are at a more advanced level in our understanding of the world and how things 'work'!

But is this the case?

I am not really coming at this with any concrete answers. However, I have seen that young people today have lost something of what I had when I was a 'kid'. I see young people spending all their time on computers, gaming, social networking. Whilst things like the internet and modern technology can be an amazing resource in drawing people together, I think in some ways it can create a massive distance. And I do appreciate the irony in saying this in a forum which can only be accessed by such technology. However, I feel that something has been lost in the last 15 years. As a kid, I often went out and 'horsed about'-the less said about this the better for my reputation-but I can honestly say these were important times in my life, and particularly in the formation of who I was to be. I often smile when I recollect stories of my youth, and whilst I made many mistakes, I think I got through things all right (depending on how you judge the 'end' product). So if thats how I feel in my mid-20s, how must someone in their 50s, 60s or 70s feel? Do they feel the world has changed for the better? And when I say better, I guess what I am really trying to assess is our level for true and intimate community with each other. As someone who believes that our reason for living is community, if something doesn't add to community, then it doesn't make things better.

Like I said, no answers, but more a case of having some thoughts to share. Perhaps what we can learn is that awareness that we haven't got it all 'sorted'! That in the 21st Century, there are perhaps things we can draw down from previous eras, especially in regards to community. And perhaps instead of being arrogant about our knowledge of technology or philosophy or any other thing ending with -y, that maybe, just maybe, we haven't got it all figured out...yet ;)

Peace

Communion?

Chatting to fellow youth worker and profound thinker Saint Martin Montgomery, I suddenly realised that I shouldn't have to start off every blog with the usual round of apologies for not writing for months...I mean, do you, the reader, really care? And to be honest, why should I write useless drivel for the amusment of the mob?! Simply put, I have not had much I wanted to say these last few months; of course thats not to say I haven't been thinking about a lot of issues/topics. I want to share some brief thoughts that have been swirling through the grey matter!

This time, its about communion. I have long held the belief that communion is a very significant act for the Christian. Strangely for a "Protestant" (and believe me, I do use that term lightly!), I have contended that perhaps our Catholic brothers are a little bit closer in their understanding of the significance of the act. Now, let me say that theologically speaking, I do not believe that the bread and wine physically turn into the body and blood of Christ. That is in no way to criticise Catholic theology on the matter, but rather to make my position clear (and not just as someone who has been brought up a 'Prod' in Ulster to disagree with everything Catholic, but as someone who has thought and reasoned the issue out for themselves).

Back to the matter...In communion, I believe something very strange takes place; whilst Catholics may believe that the bread and wine transubstantiate physically, I believe that it is more a metaphysical transformation. That is, there is a very deep spiritual transformation that occurs, that allows us to connect with Christ on the cross through the Eucharist. An act it may be, full of symbolism, but I think we do it a disservice if we leave it as just an act! On some very deep level, we are taking the body and blood of Jesus into us, perhaps not on a physical sense, but in a very real spiritual sense!

Being brought up as a Presbyterian, the Lord's Supper (wasn't much of a meal-sip of ribena, and a piece of bread) was always a time of reflection that inevitably had to be a guilt trip. Don't get me wrong, I love my Presbyterian brethren (the rest of my family still go there), and respect a lot of things about that church, but communion should never have turned into a guilt trip-where you feel bad about all the naughty things you have done, and feel so unworthy to partake in communion. Jesus never wanted us to go on a guilt trip when we take part in the Eucharist. Jesus wants us to remember him; to celebrate his life, and rejoice in his death and resurrection. When we take part in communion, it should be with a party atmosphere (at least in my thought). Of course, we should always enter into some self-examination and reflection, but it should never be self-recrimination. That is just not the Jesus Way!

And then there is a deeper issue behind communion; what does it mean to 'remember him'? I think that Eucharist should not just be a piece of bread and some wine (or Ribena for our Presby friends), but that Eucharist should be a 'lifestyle'. When we walk out of church, do we 'remember him'? When in work, do we 'remember him'? With our friends and our family, do we 'remember him'? With the poor, the hungry, the oppressed, do we 'remember him'? The etymology of the word 'Eucharist' stems from two Greek words; eú- "good, well" and kháris- "favor, grace"...Good grace! Hmmm, I wonder what this is trying to say to us? Is it that Eucharist is about more than imbibing and ingesting Jesus (whether physically or metaphorically)? Is it that communion is about more than a sacred meal that helps us remember the events of Jesus' life and death? All these things are extremely important for the Christian...However, maybe Eucharist is actually about our 'good grace' or good works after we walk out of Church. Maybe the true power behind communion is that it is not just for us, but it is for the world. As we 'remember' Christ, we live like him, and show him in our lives (speech and actions). And as we do that, people are drawn to the truth of the Gospel-that Christ came to set us free and give us 'real life'! Maybe it is that as we engage in good works, we need a little more of the body and blood of Christ within us, so that we can be more like him to the world? Perhaps that is the real power, the real purpose behind communion? Can it be that communion is so much wider and so much deeper than we every thought it could be? I mean, with anything of God, it is entirely possible that we have only just scratched the surface!

So, as you take communion, I encourage you to think about what this means not just for you, but for those around you (Christian or not)! I encourage you to recognise that a very significant and spiritual act, drenched in symbolism, but full of power, is taking place. I encourage you to think of how this act may be changing you, and how in turn does that change the world around you. And I encourage you to enjoy it!

Peace

How He loves

I have been spending a lot of time recently listening to a guy called John Mark McMillan, from America. I generally dislike 'Christian' music (as if the very use of the word Christian excuses it for being musically crap), but this guy is something else. I love his music, and I love the place it takes me...

The story about Steven at the start of the video is heartwrenching. However, one thing that strikes me about this story is just the committment Steven had; he prayed that if his death would mean something, then let it happen, and that night he died! Oh how I wish to have that passion for my God...

Here is the song in full, if you just want to listen to it

Taking a break from all your worries

Gosh, how the world seems to have changed over the last year! Everytime I switch on the news (be it ITV, BBC News 24, France 24, ABC) it all seems to be full of doom and gloom. This credit crunch (which I stil don't fully understand, especially when a lot of the downturn in the markets 'seems' to be caused by PEOPLE) has really instilled a lot of fear and worry. But since I don't have lots of money anyway, I don't have much to loose (well maybe my massive Star Wars novels collection). I just wish people in the media would stop focusing on the fear and worry; this creates more panic than what it is actually worth (although not to take away from the genuine worry posed by the current economical downturn). At least the price of oil has dropped, and petrol is now below the pound mark in the first time in AGES!

Anyway, enough of the despair; I am heading away this Sunday for a few days with some friends to the Slieve Donard. The aim here is to get a nice break from things, relax, and have some banter. I probably can't really afford it, but to be honest, its worth getting away for a couple of days, and Bag did manage to get us a pretty decent deal (well at least for it being the Slieve Donard anyway). So for the next few days, I am not going to be thinking about the credit crunch, or work, or all the other things that cause me headaches, but just relaxing in the company of good friends, and maybe for a couple of days, we can imagine the world is a great place with no worry!

That being said, I do have LOADS on at the moment. I am preparing to take a youth weekend with a Church in Antrim. I am looking forward to it, but seeing as it is my first time doing a weekend, I am more than a little apprehensive. But hey, the way I will look at it is just a series of conversations (which I am more than good at!). I also have to deliver a report to my bosses in the next couple of weeks. Now it is just a routine report (I try to give one every 6 months), but it will quite possibly dictate the direction the youth work, and possibly the Church, will take for the next few years. So I am feeling a little bit of the weight of responsibility, as I want to make sure I get everything I need to into my short 10 minute report, and try to show a glimpse of a possible way forward.

A New Season

Boy...summer flew in. I cannot believe that summer is over and people are getting back to school, uni, work. For once, I was part of a Church community that didn't shut up shop for the two months of summer! Don't get me wrong, it is good to have a break, and I certainly enjoyed mine, and it was sorely needed. However, it is also good (at least as a youth worker) to realise that there is a very real need for our young people. That for them, summer can be a long time, and if we do not engage with them, if we do not connect with them, it can be a negative time for them. I was so blessed to have certain things come together which meant that this summer, we had around 50 hours of engagement with young people in Crumlin, as well as Summer Madness, Impact (street reach) and a kids bible club. I think that is just amazing, and already I have seen so much benefit from just opening our doors for a couple of hours a week over the summer. Young people are asking questions, they are showing interest in being more involved, and the opportunity for some of our younger leaders to actually just get a chance to lead was great.

That being said, the challenge now is how we bring this into the new school term. Obviously (and rightly so) priorities shift; people focus on work, study etc. How do we continue to meaningfully engage with young people without facing burn out. This is the question I must answer in the next few months!

One other thing summer is good for is weddings! I have been at three this summer, and they have been fun times-opportunities to meet with old friends, and wish the happy couple well. I had a crazy weekend last week, with two weddings in two days. I would not want to do that too often, but by the end of the second wedding, I was just deliriously happy, to the extent I hated myself (those who know my cynical side will empathise!). I have also enjoyed spending time with a new arrival; Bag and Emma's son, Jude. It's been great getting to know him, and I really look forward to being a part of his life (Lord help the kid with me as his 'uncle'!).

So, a new season indeed. Looking forward and seeking God, trying to grow and move in the right way. It will be exciting, fun, scary and challenging. Times like these are what I live for (and hopefully Arsenal will win this season!).

Adieu

Kids Club and nights out

Just finished my Church's annual kids club, and have to say, I really enjoyed it. I'll be honest, I am not a big fan of children. They can be uber-annoying, and ask hard questions I don't have easy answers to, and I have so much respect for dedicated childrens workers, whether they be primary school teachers, or more informal workers. I do see the benefit as a youth worker in knowing the children of my community, and having those relationships in place early on can be good. But I just don't think I am a good childrens worker! It was fun, and being able to act like a total child for one week (only one!) is good fun. A lot of preparation goes into a children's week, and you have to hope that something goes in there; something that can be of benefit to the kids when they get back to school etc. We had a church service to mark the end of it and I felt it went really well, and the kids did a good job in singing, praying and saying some words which described kids club for them (flabertastic!). Now I am back to more youth orientated matters as I continue to run our summer programme and look to the autumn and plans I have then. Maybe more on that later.

One other thing I want to talk about was my mate Bud and his stag do...what a night. I can honestly say, I have been out a lot, and I have never had such a good night. There was so much laughter (I nearly went into cardiac arrest at one point) and it was just a superb night, with some great memories and funny photos. My favourite has to be this one of Bag. I found it that funny that I actually woke up the next morning laughing...

Return to the blogosphere

I have been silent for quite a while...in some ways I needed that, in others, I haven't had much chance to rant! But I am feeling s little more ready to write now...I am sitting inbetween big 'events'. Summer Madness ended yesterday, and apart from feeling absolutely shattered, I don't know what else to say. As I get older, Summer Madness looses it's shine for me, but I so appreciate the effect it has on young people, to learn and grow and experience more of God. Next up; Impact. I have been working on Impact the last few months, and it is one of the biggest projects I have ever undertaken. The idea behind Impact is to encourage young people to serve their community through practical service (think StreetReach). A lot of preparation has gone into this, and I am now just completely drained, and ready for a break. But I do feel Impact will be an amazing opportunity to see the Kingdom grow in Crumlin, and look forward to see what God will do.

After Impact, I have a break, and whilst part of me needs it emotionally and physically, another part doesn't want to be left sitting alone with nothing to do for two weeks. So I am slightly apprehensive about this!

Lots more going on, but not all stuff I can write about. I appreciate your prayers for all that is going on (especially Impact), and hopefully it wont take me as long to write again.

Rape, murder, mutiliation: its the Bible!

Wow...my posts seem to be getting more and more sparse. It has been difficult recently trying to keep on top of everything, as I have lots going on, and as sad as it seems, this blog is just another victim, along with the countless relationships that have been put on hold! If you are one of the people who I rarely see anymore, my apologies-but know that I still think about you...unless I hate you! Only kidding!

Anyway, what has been going on? Well work has continued at a frightening pace. With weekends to organise, and the week to week business of spending time with young people. However, a few new and exciting things have happened in the last few weeks. Uppermost in my mind is a prayer event that we ran in the church. It was encouraging to see people drop in and pray for an hour or two in their own way. Several people asked what were we praying for, to which my reply was, 'we are just praying'. It is interesting that some still need to have reason to pray, and I understand this; as humans, many of us need to have a motive, a 'raison d'etre', behind all that we do. We often ask the question 'why do we do this' instead of just saying 'why not'! However, I feel it was a great start, yet an exhausting one for me, as I was there for around 27 hours!

Another new thing is an after school drop in that I have been working on. It is myself and another youth worker from the Glenavy Youth Project, as well as two young volunteers from church. We seem to attracting about a dozen young people every thursday, which is encouraging. However, it still needs work. It is great to give the volunteers the chance to really gain experience however, and for that, it is an exciting opportunity.

Life without Gail has been a struggle...sure we talk at night, but sometimes, when you have had a tough day, you just want to chill! I am a great believer in the beauty of companionable silence. I sometimes love to sit with s friend, or with Gail and just not have to feel the need to talk; to just enjoy each others company. However, when all you got is a phone call, its impractical to do that :(

Want to share a quick 'holy thought'. I was doing some research the other day for a talk. I found myself in Judges and was just reading aroung, when I came across Judges chapter 19. The gist of the story is about a Levite and his concubine. They travel and eventually come to a town where they are welcomed in by a man. Later that night, the men of the town come to the man's house and demand that they be allowed to have sex with the Levite. The man, afraid for his guest, instead offers his virgin daughter and the Levite's concubine. Refusing, the men keep demanding the Levite, until the Levite forces his concubine out. The men of the town gang rape her all night, and in the morning, she makes her way back to the house. The Levite goes to leave, and seeing her lying there, demands her to get up. When she doesn't respond he puts her on his donkey and travels to his home. When he arrives, he cuts her up into 12 pieces and sends them to the tribes of Israel, as a sign of what happened.

I was very shocked by the brutality of this story. But it reminded me that the Bible is a very shocking book, full of war, intrigue, death, rape, misfits, liars, terrorists, sacrifice, destruction of innocents, but yet, it is the book with which we recognise God speaks to us. How many of us have sat in a church and heard the story of Judges 19...yet here it is in our Bibles. And the story has much to say; about selfishness and the state of a nation, that resonates even today. In what society what it be acceptable to rape, murder and mutilate a woman? Until you turn on your TV and realise that it happens all the time. These stories, whilst shocking, can have a lot to say to us, here and now in the 21st century! It just saddens me that so many in the church (and I am guilty of this too, as I suspect we all are, consciously or not) pick and choose what they want to get out of the Bible. If we are going to accept the authority of scripture, then surely that includes even the passages that make us uncomfortable, or confused?

Well, I have rambled enough. Thanks for listening

The Final Frontier

I can't wait until december! This movie is gonna rock! Finally something to look forward to this year!! Live long and prosper

Things can only get better!

Ok, so I haven't been on for quite a while (nearly a month in fact!). Between then and now we have had christmas and new year. It is probably good that I didn't get on over christmas, as I probably would have moaned about how it has been hi-jacked by the commercial, consumerist regime...ooops there I go! Anyway, one thing I do like about that time of year is just the opportunity to catch up with friends who I haven't seen for a while. It seems that the space between such meetings is getting bigger and bigger, despite any efforts to the contrary.

That aside, Gail was home and it was great getting to speand some time with her. It was far too short a time before she was going back to Bristol, and it is tough getting used to a routine without her here!

2008 hasn't seen the greatest start for me, but the beauty about a miserable start is that it can only get better! I am spending time getting things together for church, and it feels like a crucial time, with pressure abounding! I would assume however that for most people this is also the case with work starting back! I sometimes wish we didn't have holidays, because it can be a nightmare getting back into things!

Anyway, enough complaining...I hope your 2008 has had a better start to it, and if it hasn't, in the words of a famous one-hit wonder from these beautiful shores, 'things can only get better...'

Happy New Year

Provocational living!

Ok, so I have been through the absoring of the Xbox, made it through the other side and then disappeared to a youth worker retreat this week!

Peace



Only joking, but that does pretty much sum up the last fortnight for me. However, I want to discuss the retreat I was on...there was loads of stuff unpacked at it, and I would like to share a few things!

The key speaker was Tony Jones, who writes books and takes part in an emergent church! I honestly think he was class, but he seemed to provoke some negative reaction from some of the people there!

He spoke about spiritual practices, but the main controversy seemed to come from his views on church. He was asked on more than one occasion about his view of mainstream denominational church (it was Anglican and Methodist youth workers!) and he said his view should be fairly obvious, as he had already chosen to opt out of it by becoming part of an emergent community...smart guy!

This made me think about my own (and my colleagues) objectivity. At the end of the day, we are paid by the Church, and therefore can we claim to be objective about its negative things?! Maybe we can; however, we need to recognise that just as people like Tony don't have all the answers (indeed he doesn't claim to) neither to we!

There was one question I asked during one of the many times of open discussion that was picked up on by more than a few people who approached me about it (not in confrontational ways, but more to discuss) and it was this; 'Is the Church Christian?'. What do you think of this statement/question?