I'm sitting here trying to think of what to say, and I just keep coming back to how disappointed I am with life! Now this is not a suicide note; but I have to say, life at the moment seems to be a bit tedious. I think it's because like all of us, I sense that there is much more to the mundane life that this world offers us. This probably seems very obvious to those of you reading this, bit I think I just need to get this off my chest.
Is it just me or does life seem to have come to a halt. We were promised so much at the dawn of the 21st Century...until 9/11 changed that. We were promised so much by Live Aid...but it seems that nothing much has changed (sure individual communities benefit from this, and this is not to be underwritten-but where is the end to war, poverty, injustice etc). It seems we are further away from these things than we ever were in the 20th Century. At least then, we knew what was right and what was wrong; we were good and they were evil. Now we live in a world were there seems to be good and evil in every story. We were promised so much by our peace process, and it has taken 10 years to get something workable, and the success of that remains to be seen. And we were promised so much when we became a Christian, but for many of us, that life isn't really a fulfillment of that promise.
This all seems to be very negative, and maybe you are sitting there saying that I need to wise up; the glass is half full, silver lining and all that. There are people in this world who are in a much difficult situation than I am-starvation, loss of loved ones, persecution etc. I suppose what I am trying to articulate is that somewhere, deep within me, a groan of significant proportions is arising. I'm fed up with the promises...I want results. And maybe that starts with me. Do I believe that even in all the cynicism of this world, God works? Do I believe that the actions of a few can greatly benefit the many? I mean, all the examples I have given above haven't exactly been resounding failures; Live Aid helped feed countless millions, we do have peace in our country, the War on Terror has captured many 'terrorists' (who in reality are just like me; trying to fight for their cause!), and my Faith has helped me, guided me and shown me many wondrous things in the last 10 years.
But, it just doesn't seem enough...maybe I want too much! But maybe the greater crime is not wanting/needing/caring enough! Ok, so I am an optimist in a pessimists body (and quite a sexy one at that!!!!!). And what this blog boils down to is that even in all my frustration, squashed hopes and cynicism is the feeling that its gonna be ok; as long as I am never satisfied with what I have, God will use that to spure me (and hopefully others around me) on.
Sorry if this seems like a selfish blog; I needed to get this off my chest. I understand that my position in life is fairly comfortable when held up against other people's who have suffered tragedy. I don't mean to be ungrateful, or uncaring whatsoever. I hope that maybe some of what I have said can inspire you, the reader. If not, just ignore it, and pray for me and those around you.
Peace
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3 comments:
I have felt all of what you are saying but I'm feeling a little brighter today and would disagree with some of your points.
Some of the speeches that have been made in N.I. this year contained words I never thought I would hear.
I think poverty/injustice/climate change is more on the agenda now than ever before(through public outcry and artists like Bono rather than through politicians).
I now how you feel. The world seems so fucked up at times you think the only thing you can do is cling onto the 'starfish' story and save those that you can.
But I do have hope that this can be the generation that erases extreme poverty from the earth.
I think I was possibly over-depressed when I worte some of that stuff John. You are right of course...there is cause for hope; in our local situation and on a global scale. Perhaps I am just too impatient to see change happen. That part of me needs to realise that change does take time and that doesn't mean its wrong cos it doesn't happen straight away.
I think you summed up where I am when you say,
"The world seems so fucked up at times you think the only thing you can do is cling onto the 'starfish' story and save those that you can."
I'm ust fed up with seeing so much crap in our society and feeling utterly powerless to stop it. But maybe its not me that needs the power, but rather trust in the higher power of God...
Ah...still confused and frustrated!
Molar, you obviously need a visit to a monks abbey in devon for some r+r. it seems like your well has dried up? anyway ... when i feel crap about the world, i always think of that wee quote ... be the change you want to see in the world.
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